the bitter barn

Oh, it's been two weeks again. I really do try to be consistent here, but, frankly, my life is inconsistent and I just can't help that. Try as I might.

To be honest, part of the reason I've been neglecting the two of you is that I've been in a foul mood. For approximately two months. I can't blame it on the usual suspects. (You know.) So I've spent the last couple of weeks begging for forgiveness from my man and asking that he would please not "forget" me at Walmart and never come back. He promises he won't. But even I have bugged me lately. I'm my very own buzz kill.

(Note: It's okay for me to admit all of this, right? I really hope there aren't rules about discussing wild mood swings here. I'd love to be cheerful and crafty all the time, but my world is not always cheerful and rarely crafty. Are we still good? Ok. Good.)

The more time I spend in the bitter barn, the more I'm learning the importance of asking for extra grace. Everyone has friends or family members whose care instructions would say: "Extra grace required." You know the one. Yes, that one. That person has always kind of irked me. I don't have a lot of patience for that one.

Well, I'm that one right now. (This always happens. It's how God teaches me things. Characteristics that drive me nuts in others are inevitably going to become a part of me, even if only for a season, so I'm forced to... um, get over myself.)

I've had some stuff come up recently that has apparently gobbled up my reserve of peace and energy. I've had to deal with some really hard things that have left me feeling a little lost, frankly. I've been walking around with a dark cloud over my head, sighing and saying things like, "ho hum..." But my people have stuck with me, and I'm so thankful. They're teaching me why it's so incredibly important to let grace pour out of me when I interact with people who are just plain grumpy. (Much like me.) Because the truth is that I have no idea what they're going through. I can't know what's going on in their life and what they're struggling with behind closed doors. They may have just had the worst day or gotten the worst news. I want to make sure that I'm a source of extra grace in their life, and not a source of judgment or anger.

This has been a really weird but good lesson for me. I'm generally a half-glass-full kinda girl, but this season of wanting to throw that cup of water on someone's face and smash it on the floor has given me insight into what it means to see difficult people as people who have probably walked through some junk and just need me to love them even more.

So, on behalf of cranky people everywhere, we're sorry. Please be nice to us anyway.

To lighten the mood... this is why I want a dog.


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